via FOREVER CHANGED…
I don’t know why this past post popped up on my Facebook feed today, but it did. There is a backstory that makes this post even more special to me today.
On Feb.3, 2017 we lost our oldest daughter to suicide at the age of 19 years old.
After 6 days on life support, my wife and I made the decision to turn off the machines that were keeping our daughter ‘alive’ and let her body go. We knew the moment we walked into her ICU room that our daughter’s essence and spirit had already left her body. Neither of us could feel her there. Over the next 5 days doctors tried everything they could to help save her and bring her back to us, but, we knew; in our hearts we knew that she was already an angel looking down on us.
When she turned 18 and got her driver’s licence she was so proud to be able to register as an organ and tissue donor. Never did we realize how vital that decision would become just over 1 year later. Without a doubt, we as her parents, honoured her wish and directive and had the hospital contact Trillium Gift of Life and began the process of her becoming an organ and tissue donor. So many people then, at her funeral, and later, have told us how brave and selfless we were in this decision. I honestly don’t understand this reaction. This was not our decision to make; our daughter had made the decision on her own. Our job was simply to honour her choice. On my part it was almost selfish to want her to continue to live on; to continue to have part of here still here on Earth with me. I would have never, ever, in my wildest dreams, thought that I could have the choice to say no to her final wishes.
According to the law in the province of Ontario, Canada, even though a person has consciously made the decision to go through the process of registering as an organ and tissue donor, when the time comes and the situation arises that the decision has to be made, the loved one(s) responsible for the decisions of that person can choose to NOT donate their loved one’s organs and/or tissues. How can this be!? A person in their right mind makes this choice, but in the end it does not have to be honoured?! I was appalled when we learned this truth. In the 13 months since our daughter’s death we have made it our conscious decision to spread the word about both registering as an organ and tissue donor and the absolute and disgusting truth of how the decision to become one does not guarantee that it will, in fact, happen upon your death. For us there was no choice. Even if we did not personally agree with the choice to be a donor we would never, could never go against our daughter’s wishes.
My oldest daughter is the only one I physically gave birth to; not that it matters which of us gave birth to our daughters; our love is not dependent upon them growing inside of us. This poem reflects how I felt about all 3 of my daughters and how I still feel about all 3 of my daughters. My love for each one of them continues to grow each and every day. Nothing stops a mother’s love for her children;
not even death.