Breaking Traditional Parental Labels

Today was an uncomfortable day for me. I was placed in a position where I had to defend my parental label to my two younger Chicklets. I was asked by someone ( whom I strongly think is gay themselves) who the mother of my two younger children were. I stated that both my wife and I were their Moms. He said again, “Yes, but who is the mother?” I restated my answer saying that they are both children of our marriage. This, unfortunately, was not enough for this man. He then said, “Your wife is the biological mother of the two girls, so then who is their biological father?”

At this point, I am about screaming in my head, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?” Can this man really be this dense!? No, of course he isn’t; this man ( I just can’t bring myself to use the word “gentleman” to describe this individual) is purposely trying to insinuate that I am not really a mother or parent to my two Chicklets. A colleague of mine decided to step in at this point and remind this man that it is public knowledge that here in Canada we are fortunate enough to live in a nation where two people of the same sex are indeed legally the parents of any children born within their marriage when unknown sperm donors are used.

This man had no other reason to pursue this line of questioning other than to try to negate my role as a valid parent to my two young beautiful daughters. I can’t say I have ever been harassed or bullied in this way before. I have been reflecting on my feelings and I now understand one very sad truth about bullying and why so many gay teens see no better option than suicide.

Bullying a gay person does not just hurt. It attacks every fiber of who they are as a person; a person they as a teenager are still trying to figure out themselves! I am in my early 40’s now and confidently know who I am as a person, and I felt attacked, broken down, and judged to be someone or something that is undesirable and illegitimate. How can we expect teens, or children even younger, be expected to handle gender-based bullying!? The truth is we can’t. We as a society MUST begin to stand up on behalf of these individuals who are being bullied and say, “Enough! No more!”

I truly believe that change must start with ourselves and how we live our lives. As long as we continue to differentiate between traditional relationships and marriages and same-sex relationships and marriages, I don’t see how the bullying will ever end. As stated in this recent post on Facebook, someday…..someday we will all just be “beautiful families.” Until such time, the bullying will continue because we will be labelled as different, as the “non” normal. The definition of normal is basically, anything that commonly happens or occurs. So, in fact, we are examples of today’s “normal” families!

So the next time you see a family with children and their two parents, please, if you must put any label on them, may I suggest you label them with the term, “beautiful” family.

Thank-you for reading my rant today,

Sheri

A World’s True Hero – Nelson Mandela

My hero died today. I think the world’s hero died today. We mourn for the loss of a leader, an inspiration, an “out-of-the-box” thinker, a living martyr, an eloquent speaker, a man who could move nations with his words and his actions of peace. But few of us will remember that he is also a husband, a father, a uncle, a cousin, a friend. My heart breaks for members of his family and friends. They have lost a loved one and are unable to mourn their loss in private. I pray that they find a way to mourn, remember, and celebrate Nelson Mandela’s death in their own way, in their own time, away from the rest of the world. I also hope that they will take great comfort in the fact that this man that they knew personally will never be forgotten by so many people around the world.

He will be remembered for all of he successes over the 95 years he walked on this earth. As this quote suggests though, it is not his successes that Mr. Mandela wanted to be remembered for, but his tenacity. Nelson Mandela has been a symbol of peaceful strength for me since I was old enough in school to become aware that he had been jailed and why. I remember writing letters to Amnesty International for him to be released from his imprisonment. I remember hearing the incredible news of his release; something I never really ever thought would happen! This man was physically and mentally beaten down for 30 years while in prison yet after time spent in a life of privacy, he decided to re-enter the world of the public eye to continue his mission to bring freedom and equality to his home of South Africa as well as around the world. I cried and cried when he won the Presidential election and became the first Black President of South Africa. What a turn of the tide that represented and within my own lifetime! He continued to have his stumbles and falls over the years, yet, he continued to pick himself up and continue on. THAT inspires me!

When I am sitting on my pity pot, begrudging my “unfair” life, I will remember this quote of my hero’s and pick myself up and continue on with improving not only my own life but the lives of those in my community. Nelson Mandela endured discrimination and imprisonment for over 30 years, surely, I can endure stressful times of financial restraints, disappointments in my career, occasional arguments with my spouse or children and everything else life throws my way!

So as you continue on your life journey, remember;
Your strength is defined not by your successes but by the number of times you pick yourself back up after being knocked down.

You will be missed but never forgotten Nelson Mandela! Thank you for showing the world what a true hero and inspiration looks like!

Sheri

Our first “Chicklet-free” Vacation in 7 Years…..

November 30th………WOW!! This month has been an absolute whirlwind! My wife and I decided that one of the things we wanted to do thanks to Grandma leaving some inheritance, was go away….just the two of us…..sans Shockley for the first time in 7 years. After about a week of researching ideas for destinations that were reasonable price-wise in our timeline, we decided, booked and left for a 5 night cruise.

  Those 5 nights away were wonderfully relaxing for us! We actually slept in until 9am the first day at sea. What an amazing 5-day experience to do what we wanted, when we wanted! We visited Jamaica and climbed Dunn River Falls. If you have not had that experience, trust me, DO IT!! It is nature at it’s finest; over 60 feet of the most beautiful waterfall I have ever seen in my life surrounded by lush jungle-type vegetation and even wildlife (we saw a crab during our climb). The beach was stunning and the people who worked there were the friendliest people I have ever met in my life! After the falls, we went back to town and shopped at the local market. This was such an interesting experience for me. I have shopped in poor countries before, like Mexico, St. Thomas, and Dominican Republic but nothing has ever prepared me for the poverty of Jamaica. These people are so amazingly poor that many of them hustle for survival. NEVER would they ask for handouts; they offer services. Jamaican are very proud people. I did feel over-whelmed at the market as I was repeatedly asked to visit each and every stall. Out of necessity they are fairly aggressive in trying to make sales. But I absolutely FELL IN LOVE with the country! I can’t wait to go back and spend a week or more exploring the lush island, and submerse myself in the daily life of the Jamaican people.

Our second port of call was Grand Cayman Island. If there was ever an island that was the complete opposite of Jamaica we visited it! The island was tiny in comparison and completely flat. As we tendered in to the dock I was told that there was 100% employment on the island. 100%!!!! My head had a really hard time going 360 degrees from the poorest of poor countries to one of the richest islands in the Caribbean. I completely enjoyed my time on Grand Cayman Island; we swam with the Stingrays and went snorkelling. Incredible experiences I will  never forget, but, I felt like being on this island only solidified my love and affection for the country I had visited just the day before. I felt guilty spending money on such a rich island when I could have spent more on souvenirs in Jamaica.

The ports of call were one of the highlights of our cruise. Spending time as a couple was another highlight. Adult conversation, relaxing by the pool, walking on the track, or relaxing in the adults-only hot tub after our semi-formal dinner; we relaxed, rejuvenated, and completely enjoyed our time away. I know that it will not be 7 years before we invest in a getaway just for the two of us again. Every relationship needs time away from our children. This does not mean we love them any less, or can’t stand being with them; it means that we need time alone as adults, to be our adult selves. Life is too stressful, so take time to re-energize, relax, and re-connect. Your marriage, and your family will be better for it!

The Emotional Side of Weight Loss

The Emotional Side of Weight Loss

Join me on my journey to a healthier lifestyle. My next challenge, attacking and overcoming the mental chains that prevent me from being the healthiest, happiest person that I am meant to be!

Check out my getting healthy blog!!

Forty Something and Getting Healthy http://fortysomethingandgettinghealthy.blogspot.com/

Actions Really Do Speak Louder Than Words!

I never really believed it when my mother used to tell me, “Sheri, your actions always speak louder than your words.” Even into my 20’s and 30’s and I became a wife and mom I could always find ways to not listen to this sage advice. It was not until I hit my late 30’s that I took this phrase to heart, especially in regard to relationships.

If someone really cares for you, they will show you. Sure it is nice to hear them express their feelings, but really most friendships are not based on words of love and caring. These close relationships show that the person cares.

It can be a harsh reality when you tune into the actions of a friend or loved one and realize that they are showing that they do not care about you at all. You may deny it, or excuse it, but when your heart and mind are both ready to face the facts you will finally accept the truth. You then have a choice to make. What do you do about this particular relationship?

The post I re-blogged yesterday had a great comment that I want to paraphrase;

It is up to each of us to decide how much real-estate we permit each relationship takes up in our lives. If you view yourself as a prime piece of real-estate and reflect on how your particular piece of land is being rented how happy are you with the current arrangements? IF you are not completely happy you have every right and indeed should make changes!

Maybe that relationship that is currently sitting in one of your prime beach-front locations needs to be emotionally relocated to the back of your land, even if it is just for now until you are really able to invest the time and energy into repairing or evicting that tenant.

You are worth only the best of the best when it comes to your real-estate tenants. Don’t sell yourself short and allow squatters to poach on your emotional land. One relationship at a time, take stalk and clean house. You will feel more positive and better about yourself when you do this; it is VERY empowering!

Love yourself and fill your real-estate with prime quality tenants.

Sheri

“I’m not sure why the other kids don’t like me. Maybe there is something wrong with me.”

Very much worth the read!

The Matt Walsh Blog

I get a high volume of email on a daily basis. Generally I’ll only post the negative ones on this blog. There’s two reasons for that: 1) They’re usually much more entertaining. 2) What kind of a pretentious loser would I be if I published my own fan mail? This particular email breaks the mold a little bit. I received it a couple of days ago and responded. I’m now (with the permission of the kid who sent it) posting the email and my response, because I think a lot of people might be able to relate to the subject matter. Bullying has been in the news quite a bit recently, and my response to “Alex” could just as well apply to most kids who have experienced similar abuse.

I changed his name and took out a phrase or two in order to protect his anonymity:

Dear Mr. Walsh,

I…

View original post 1,259 more words

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving; Our Celebration of 100 years of Grandma

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian readers! Today is a National holiday and a time to reflect on all the people and circumstances in our lives for which we are thankful. Our family has a special reason to celebrate today. This morning at 1am our Grandma passed away. Grandma was almost 101 years old.

As an in-law I have a unique perspective on how this incredible lady has influenced three generations of our family. A few nights ago I sat down and wrote about a few life lessons Grandma taught me over the past ten years. I have a hard time expressing how this amazing woman has passed on her spirit to the females in our family. Here is Grandma as I knew her;

Grandma Balfour’s life is a not only to be remembered and celebrated, but a life to aspire to duplicate. I only had the honour of knowing this remarkable woman for the past 10 years; but in that time she has taught me many very valuable lessons. In her own, quiet way, these are the life lessons that Velva Balfour has taught me;

1. “Everything is going to be alright”: No matter what was happening, Grandma always encouraged you to not waste time worrying. She did not waste time worrying because she was always sure that life would always turn out alright. As society gets busier and more stressful, I need to remember Grandma’s words of advice, because in the end, everything does turn out to be alright. I just need to have more faith in the end result; more faith like Grandma had.
2. “You’re alright”: Grandma always saw the good in people. She always thought that those who visited her were pretty and wore pretty clothes. I truly think that if more people wore rose-coloured glasses like Grandma did, the world would be a much happier place. Grandma always saw the positive. And she always made a point to make you feel good. I don’t think I ever heard her complain; not in pain, or discomfort, not about anything. Life to her was good, and even if a moment of it was not as good as it could have been, well she would say, “It’s ok, everything is going to be alright!”
3. Human touch is important: Grandma always liked to pat, or hold your hand. She loved contact with those who she loved, even if she did not recognize them. I don’t know who felt better when she did this, her or the person whose hand she was holding and patting. If it was not a person then you could find her petting an animal; real or stuffed. We all need contact; physical contact. Too many people are afraid of a loving touch. Grandma reminded me that much like a smile, holding hands or rubbing someone’s arm makes both people feel appreciated, valued, and loved.

I think the most important lesson that Grandma Balfour has taught me is that I am so incredibly lucky to be part of her legacy; her family. This kind, selfless, loving, gentle, soft-spoken woman led this family by example. She has taught each female in this family how to be a most amazing, woman, daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, and mother. I listen to so many stories from others in this family and I don’t know if they realize just how much of who they are comes directly from Grandma. Mom is so kind, and welcoming, caring, and will do anything to support her family. She puts her family first before herself; all just like her own Mom. She encourages, and uplifts us and reminds us that “Everything is going to be alright” when we are going through something difficult; just like Grandma. Mom is also always reminding us of how much she loves us, with hugs and words; just like her Mom.

I see Grandma’s grand-daughters; always there to help in any way they can in any situation. They are caretakers to their families, just as Grandma was for Mom and Uncle Larry when they were young.  They too constantly express their feelings to loved ones. Their children will never, ever, wonder about their mother’s unconditional love for them; just as Grandma always expressed her unconditional love to them.  They have gentle, loving hearts like their Grandma. I really don’t think they realize just how much Grandma Balfour has helped to shape who they are. I see her in each one of them and I see her in Mom too. If Grandma was able to (and I know she will be when she is in Heaven) see what I see, she would be so incredibly proud of not only her daughter, but her grand-daughters as well.  From one incredibly amazing woman, has come, generations of caring, loving, women, who will continue to foster her loving traits into their children. I already see this in Grandma’s great-grandchildren.

I guess Grandma Balfour has taught me that because of who she was, the world, especially my world, is a much better place. I will aspire to live the rest of my life more like her; full of love for everyone, without judgement, just love.

 

You are right Grandma; everything is going to be alright. Thanks to you.

Happy Weekend! !

Weekend Warriors http://fortysomethingandgettinghealthy.blogspot.com/2013/10/weekend-warriors.html

Are You a Weekend Warrior!?

Are You a Weekend Warrior!?

What are you doing this weekend to be active!?