Today was a VERY eventful day in our house. First of all, our youngest daughter turns 4 years old today. AND this same little blonde angel of ours went to Kindergarten for the very first time. The day began with much apprehension on her part but when the bell rang she lined up with her Hello Kitty backpack in hand, a smile on her face and a wave for both of her Mommies.
My wife started to tear up as we walked back home. I very quickly told her to stop! Our precious daughter was just fine and we were going to be fine too. No sooner were we home, and she went out into the backyard with our two dogs, did I start crying. I don’t mean a few tears because I missed my little Chicklet; I am talking full-blown bawling!
The house was quiet….way too quiet. I was tidying toys when it hit me that my youngest…..my sidekick for the past four years will never be home with me during the day full-time again…..ever! The level of sadness what over whelming. I was sad when my other two went to school. When my oldest went for her first day I felt a deep sense of being lost. I did not know what to do without her….but that was short-lived. Kindergarten then was every day for a half day. When my middle daughter started she went every other day show she was still home with me for part of the week and I had my youngest which gave us some nice one-on-one time. But today……today was different. We were childless. The finality of this reality was not something I had anticipated. I think that today’s feelings were compounded by the fact that our baby was spending her 4th birthday with strangers at school instead of with her Mommies.
She was smiling and so happy when we picked her up. This helped relieve my feelings…somewhat. I was still saddened by the fact that there would be no more special days at home snuggled in jammies all day, or weekday shopping trips to the fruit store, or our walks hand-in-hand to go pick up her big sister at school. The logical part of me knows that we will still have these moments (or at least most of them) during school holidays and summer break since I am lucky enough to be home with our children when school is out. But today I gained a new respect for those who experience the whole “empty nester” part of parenthood. It is hard…..very hard. There is no other way to describe it. Mine just went to school for the day. How will I ever handle when one wants to move away!?!